Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
