Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
