Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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