Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
