THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
