Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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