what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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