Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
