garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
This baby is an asshole
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
