Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
