He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
