guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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