I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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