We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
