You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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