So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
