i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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