i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
