i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
