I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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