i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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