This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
