see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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