my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The uberlube is also flammable
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
