i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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