So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
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