he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
