If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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