More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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