I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
