Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
