Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
