Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
