I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
