he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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