party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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