Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
