Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
