I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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