Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
