Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
