Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
