I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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