I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
