as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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