It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
