my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
