He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
