i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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