I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
dude. I can hear the air.
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